Smile for me, darling.

I like to believe that as human beings, we’re all allowed to make as many mistakes as we possibly can. However, that doesn’t mean that we should make the same mistake countless times. The least we can do is try and learn from them, and then move on. For every mistake and/or regret that I have made so far in my years, I’m sure I’ve learned something valuable. As someone once said: “We live and we learn.” This highlights the fact that no one’s perfect, but at the same time, we’re all perfect in our own way. Kind of contradictory but it helps to make you believe in yourself. 

I’ve always been taught and reminded to never believe I’m better than anyone else, or above them because we’re all equal, with possibly the same potential. Many times I’ve had more faith in what someone else is gutting for, instead of having faith in myself. I would always motivate them to do their best, and falter in motivating myself just as much. I’m not sure if it’s a good thing or not. 

Despite my many mistakes, I’m grateful for every lesson I’ve learned and I’m exceptionally grateful for the people who were always there for me when I needed their faith and motivation to carry on. I guess I’m just happy to be the person I am, flaws and all. Even though some may judge me because I’m “different”, I respect their right to their own opinion. As the great Voltaire once said: “I may not agree with what you say but I will defend to the death your right to say it.” Instead of being judgemental, I try to be open minded to different things even if it displeases me, and isn’t what I’m used to. 

This is just my current state of mind tonight. Thought I’d share it because I’m almost absolutely certain that I’m not the only person that thinks this way.

I honestly don’t know what I’d do without my journal. In years to come I’ll be able to look back on all my most troublesome moments and my most euphoric. 

Sorry to brag about it so much but I like to think that I have the most perfect boyfriend, so far! I love him, and he loves me. This is my blog so I can do and say whatever I want, how much I want to :] 

Last night I had a wonderful dream, but then again, they’re supposed to be wonderful or else they’d be nightmares. I woke up feeling happy. Had to tell my Mom all about it cause it was so good. Here’s how it went:

I was on a beach, running along the water and around me were my three ‘dream dogs’ (dogs I want to own some day), a border collie, a siberian husky and a golden retriever. They were prancing around in the water and enjoying themselves. I had a ball in one hand and I threw it out to them. They fought to see who’d get it and return it first. After all the ramping, we walked back to a beautiful beach house. It was painted white with a veranda going right around both levels. Plants were hanging in baskets, there were beach chairs laid out with colourful umbrellas for shade. I sat in one of the beach chairs and the dogs sat around me, panting and looking out to the sea. Jay drove up to the house and came down to the beach. When the dogs saw him they ran towards him, whimpering and jumping. He started playing with them, and I just looked on. In the dream I felt a sense of contentment and happiness. It was relaxing to feel that way, even though it was just a dream.

I’ve always wanted something like that, a beach house and three dogs that I can spoil rotten. Instead of having children, I want dogs. I grew up in a house that always had dogs to play with. To me, they’re so much more loyal than any human being can be. They bring so much joy to their owner. I love having dogs. I’d rather have the responsibility of taking care of three dogs, than have three children. Some people are meant for kids, some aren’t I guess. 

I told Jay about it, and he thought it was ‘cute’ and ‘very possible’. Well, I can’t say that I didn’t like the sound of that. We’re very alike, Jay and I, sometimes too alike. I’m so happy.

So yesterday my friend and I got together to take some photographs. After about 3 hours of prancing around and taking the pictures, we edited and uploaded them to my Facebook. I was really excited about the pictures cause they looked fab. I even sent some of them to Jay, who was somewhat overly excited and said I looked “edible” (LOL)…

This morning I woke up to a million messages from her on my phone saying that I had to take down the album or else her boyfriend was going to break up with her. She called me screaming and crying saying that all the pictures had to come down and that I’ve got twenty minutes to do that before he breaks up with her. I don’t know much about this relationship thing, or her boyfriend’s state of mind, but I thought that was unnecessary and fucking immature of him. Personally, I thought she looked gorgeous in the pictures, it’s not like I made her prance around in langerie. I think if my boyfriend was that controlling about what I wear, the pictures I take and what not, I’d feel somewhat insecure and my self esteem would be extremely low. I think instead of being a bitch about the pictures, he should have been feeling like a fucking King knowing that he’s got a girlfriend that’s that gorgeous. That’s how I’d feel. But what do I know, right?!